Tuesday, April 24, 2007

It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta

AlligatorSports.org reported last night that some Florida football players were involved in a situation at a party on Saturday night.

"Five UF football players were involved in a confrontation at a weekend party, according to a Gainesville Police Department report.

The players, identified on the scene as scholarship football athletes by a UF student, were involved in a robbery at a party at Cabana Beach Apartments on Saturday."

Sounds pretty routine for Gators, I guess, but I think it gets a little better.

"On Saturday, a UF student was taking kegs out of his truck when the men approached him. One 6-foot-4, 280-pound man attempted to steal his keg, cutting his neck in the process, according to the report. The cut was 5 to 6 inches long, the report states, and it appeared to be the result of a fingernail or ring."

The result of a fingernail or ring? While it most likely was accidental, I still enjoy imagining some giant coke nail scratching the guy on the neck. Ah, the innerworkings of the imagination.

My absolute favorite part of the event was this:

"The other four players on the scene restrained the attacker, who then broke away and assaulted the student again, slamming him into his truck, according to the report.

After the second attack, the players forced the attacker into a red Ford Taurus and began to leave the scene, the report states.

While the car was still moving, the attacker again tried to run at the victim, but was stopped by his teammates, who likely prevented a third attack, according to the report."

The attacker is awesome! He's one of those guys who uses the ol' dramatic "hold me back" bit, which is amazingly cool. For some reason, as I tried to mentally picture the encounter, I imagined the Gator attacker to be Michael Bolton, but the one from Office Space ... like at the end of the scene where they destroy the copier.

P.S. I can't wait for the Fulmer Cup points for this one.

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