Friday, October 19, 2007

Analyzing the Idiocy

I've never been quiet with my opinions about Alabama football fans. Most Tennessee fans consider them the most delusional of all sports fans, and from January through August, it was at it's absolute worst. Alabama fans were saying Erik Ainge was overrated, that Bob Stoops would be their head coach, and once they hired Saban, that they'd win the SEC right off the bat. I could somewhat buy into the last point, because all of my analysis said they could, too. However, as the season has progressed, Alabama fans have been shockingly normal. Nothing too over the top, except a few nutzos here and there. We'll analyze those today.

From tidefans.com forum, a prediction for the game:
"I've got no feel for how this one will shake out, but I'll blindly call 28-24 in favor of the good guys."


So you think Tennessee wins? Right on.

Another prediction from tidefans.com:
"Mississippi State scored 21 on UT, so I'll say we score at least that
Bama - 27
UT - 21"


So you think Alabama will hold us to our 2nd lowest output of the season? Florida's D talent >>>> Alabama's D talent. Hell, Mississippi State's defense is as good as Alabama's, and we scored 33, you dolt. Keep in mind Ole Miss scored 24 on your ass, meaning we could put up 40+. Don't let evidence get in the way of your bias.

"More prediction from "12 Rings" on tidefans.com:
31-13 Bama. I think this is the game we punch the gas and keep it down. I'm not worried about (or)ainge picking us apart. They got smoked by two teams in games where there was little or no pressure on him. (he's only been sacked once all year) I'm thinkin this will be the game where our O begins to take shape. RTR !!!!!!!!!!!!"


Riiiiight. 13 points for a team that hasn't scored less than 20 to date? Against a defense that allowed 38 to an Arkansas team that has no passing game, and allowed 21 to a Florida State team that has half the offense Tennessee has? Makes sense ... in backwards land. Ohhhhh BUUUUURN.

From the "10 Reasons Alabama is better than Tennessee" list at 3rd Saturday in Blogtober:
"and the seats are literally 12 inches wide. (That ain’t pretty with Jim Bob and Looloo both going about 3 bills on either side of you.)"


Hilarious ... except for the FACT that Alabama is rated as the 2nd fattest state in America, and Tennessee is like ... 5th. Fifth isn't anything to brag about, fatty Tennesseans, but it isn't 2nd. Sooooo, get your facts straight, Bammer.

From the same list:
"If you like gals that are into Nascar and dipping Skoal maybe Knoxville would suit you fine. You want to see the best Knoxville has to offer? Check your local Saturday morning hunting show? She will be dressed as the Moose. I actually like my women a little more on the classy side. Of course there is more to our women than sundresses and class. You like a challenge? How about a future law student that can kick your tail in a debate on current foreign policy? More likely to find her in Tuscaloosa. Your future smokin’ hot business professional? T-town. I think you get the picture."


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahha. Seriously? I mean, seriously? C'mon you can't ... you aren't serious. Right? It's satire, amirite? I'm not going to type some ridiculously subjective statement saying UT coeds are prettier than Alabama coeds, because frankly, both universities have a great share of hotties mctotties. Period. Gun to my head, need to make a decision: UT wins. And I guess Alabama residents don't like Nascar and chew? C'mon. Just so you know, in 2006-2007, Alabama ranked as the 45th smartest state, Tennessee was 30th.

From the same article, on mindsets and what UA football did for the state:
"As a southerner, Alabama football helped put this part of the country on the map. It helped make us count again. It was a shot across the bow to yankees everywhere that we actually could do something good."


I like the last 6 words best, because it shows that grammar isn't something "you do good," either. "Do well," just so you know. Basically, this is why I hate Alabama fans. You're bragging that the only thing your state does well is play football. Your state is the BEST at putting guys in tight pants and ramming into each other. Fantastic! You can have that title! I love college football as much as ANYBODY, but let's keep it what it is: a game, a sport. If Tennessee never wins another game, the world will continue to spin, the state will continue to thrive, and I'll be living. Sure, the wins make it a bit sweeter, but really, when all you can brag about is being #1 in football history, being the 5th dumbest and 2nd fattest state, you have a problem. Catch up Alabama - you can love football AND excel at life. Try it.

2 comments:

Tom said...

"Riiiiight. 13 points for a team that hasn't scored less than 20 to date? Against a defense that allowed 38 to an Arkansas team that has no passing game, and allowed 21 to a Florida State team that has half the offense Tennessee has? Makes sense ... in backwards land. Ohhhhh BUUUUURN."

Crow tastes a little bit like chicken, doesn't it?

Doug Coffin said...

It does taste delicious, in that "fire our entire staff for making us look like fools" kind of way. :)

Congrats to the Tide for exposing us for what we are this year.