Loathed Enemy Coaches: Bottom to Top Part 2

We continue with our incredibly dumb idea of ranking Tennessee's 12 opponents' head coaches in order of least hatred to OMFGIWANT2KILLYOUNOW hatred. Like I said before, any reason I can think will be included in my rationale for this list. I ended last week with Louisiana's head coach Rickey Bustle at #7. I made myself snort while doing it, but I doubt anyone else did. Onward, to the top half.

6. Houston Nutt - Arkansas

I think I would actually rank Nutt higher if not for the circus that's come to Fayetteville. I feel sorry for him, honestly. Sure, he's insane, but he has that "mentally-handcapped-but-not-so-handicapped" look about him. Still, he lands in the upper half of this list because he had the audacity to sign a Dick and a Johnson, all the while being named Nutt. Why is that a bad thing? It wasn't ... at first. Not until every single John Q. Fute-bawl fan figured it out. It's like the Chuck Norris jokes, but not clever anymore. I also find that a person who names all of their children with names beginning with the same letter as the parent, have a complex. Houston Nutt's 4 kids: Haven, Hannah, Hailey, and the effing cherry on top, Houston the 3rd. What the hell is that about? What if your name was Xavier Nutt? What would yo do then, genius?

5. Jeff Tedford - California

You know, he seems like a nice enough guy, I guess, but like I've said over and over, I have a lot of reasons, which might not be the fault of the coach, that make me despise the coach. Tedford is generally heralded as God in Berkeley (which, in itself, is a freaking "does not compute" moment for me). Cal-Berkeley fans (1 dollar to Les Miles) continually assert that Tedford is one of the 10 best coaches in college football. One.of.the.10.best. Yeah, it pisses me off, too. He's done a good job with a dead program. Great, a lot of coaches have done that. However, it doesn't automatically put you in the upper echelon. There are two hills to climb in college football: the first, get good; the second, get great. Tedford and the Bears are beginning the climb for the 2nd one, but are still years away. I actually predict in 2 years, I'll be writing an entry called, "Can Tedford Really Take Cal to the Top?" Bookmark it, I guess. Anyway, his team came into Neyland Stadium, simultaneously crapped themselves, and went home. And for that, Coach Tedford, I don't like you.

4. Mark Richt - Georgia

With the introduction of Urban Meyer, and the re-introductions of the OBC and the Liar, Richt drops down the line. Without those 3, he'd be Enemy #1, but only because he wins in Neyland Stadium more than Rick Clausen did. Richt doesn't have that grating personality or the jokes to get a rise out of you. He just is flat out better than our head coach, and for that, I dislike him. Munson's call in the 2001 game adds to my dislike of Richt, as does Mark's timeless combover. The absolute best thing about combovers, and I see it's happening to Mark's already, is that it makes it all the more obvious when your hair begins to thin and your hairline begins to recede. I hope Richt one day embraces the bald combover style.

Regardless of his wavy hair, he brought Georgia back to the college football world, and is 3-0 in Knoxville. He's 4-2 overall against our guy, with a couple of blowouts in there. I think he'll fall down the list if we beat the Dawgs in Knoxville this season.

3. Urban Meyer - Florida

It seems a bit strange to have him here, as most Tennessee fans hate the piss out of Urban. Plus, he's the head coach at Florida, after a national title. The top 3 on this list are so close in hatred, that Meyer at 3 is more like Meyer at 1c. He's begun to put to action the Phil Fulmer Theories on Discipline, but he takes it beyond what we've seen. He suspends players for Western Carolina and Southern Miss, but they somehow play against Tennessee and LSU. He cries, moans, and bitches when anything goes against him, even if it greatly benefits say, 2,000 high school seniors. I hate the way he talks, by the way. It's kind of womanly, quivery, at times. How tall is this guy? I feel like Big Bird is coaching the Gators. He's 2-0 against Tennessee (not a surprise there - thanks CPF). His daughter is insane hot, though, so that helps his case. Overall, he's a poor disciplinarian, he's selfish, and he isn't quite a man.

2. Steve Spurrier - South Carolina

The most hated man in Tennessee from 1990 through 2001, Spurrier won many many many games over our best decade of Vols ever. Peyton Manning was 0-3 as a starter against Spurrier's squads. The OBC cracked jokes at our expense, which, to be fair, were hilarious and spot on. I think most UT fans would still rank him as the #1 on this list, but he's more fun at South Carolina, where he actually loses some games. He's less intimidating there, and he's held back his remarks about UT, well, because neither team has been very good the last 2 seasons. If South Carolina wins the division, expect the Spurrier insults to return, and for the OBC to jump back to #1.

1. Nick Saban - Alabama

Combine our biggest rival school with a lying, successful coach, and you have the #1 most hated coach in Tennessee. Alabama has not been Alabama for around 10 years now, so the hatred of the program has decreased. But this move is like the Devil merging with the SuperDevil.

Saban has already ruffled the NCAA's feathers with alleged secondary recruiting violations, whilst also calling out other SEC coaches, urging them not to turn each other in. On a completely unrelated note that has nothing to do with the prior sentence, Nick Saban was reported to be the most "turned in" coach in the SEC. In the end, Coach Saban comes off as a slimeball, and coaches at an institution full of slimeballs. Plus, he never has time for this shit.

Ranking SEC Coaches Isn't Hard Part Deux

So, last week I tore apart TSN's Tom Dienhart's attempt at ranking the current SEC coaches. Specifically, I think Dienhart thought too much about the topic and outsmarted himself. I got through the first half of the coaches, and now I'm giving you the extremely exciting stuff: the bottom six.


7. Houston Nutt - 0 SEC Titles in 9 SEC seasons
My brain actually hurt a little bit during the process of trying to decide whether to put Nutt at 7 and Miles at 8, or vice versa. Why did I put Nutt over Miles? One reason: longevity. Of course, this longevity could very well come to an end in January of 2008, but for now, it helps Houston Nutt. Tons of writers and fans want to put Nutt higher than this, but what exactly has he done? Of the 9 years he's coached Arkansas, he had a winning record in 6 of them, but only a winning SEC record in THREE SEASONS. He's taken the Razorbacks to 2 SEC title games, but hasn't won one, and lost the two visits by an average of 19 points. Nutt has done well at a program that has little to no recruiting lake, but let's not make Houston Nutt more than what he really is: a mediocre SEC coach.


8. Les Miles - 0 SEC Titles in 2 SEC seasons
Miles is a very tough guy to rank. Tons and tons of fans talk about how clueless he is, and I'm not sure I "get it." He doesn't sound like the most intelligent coach ever, but he's 22-4 in his two seasons at LSU. And before you mumble to yourself, "With Saban's players," you're right! But look at the three recruiting classes he's had: 22nd in 2005 during the Saban transfer, 7th in 2006, and 4th in 2007. It's not like Les Miles is an awful recruiter. He's at the top of the SEC! Another thing you hear is, "It will catch up with him." It? What's "it"? 2007 and 2008 will give us a pretty good idea if Les Miles deserves higher than 8th in the SEC. He's only lost 1 game at home, he motivates his players, and he recruits very well. He has nowhere to go but up.


9. Rich Brooks - 0 SEC Titles in 4 SEC seasons
Kentucky's 8-5 2006 season catapults Brooks up a couple slots. Yes, it's all about achievement, not some idea that we can all tell who's a good Xs and Os guy. Brooks accomplished nothing at Kentucky in his first 3 seasons, but did a fantastic job in 2006. The Cats have the best QB in the conference, one of the most versatile backs in the country, and a good WR in Keenan Burton. Will they struggle in 2007 after a +2 CGVR and horrible performance on the defensive side of the ball? Probably. But taking Kentucky to an 8-5 record and a bowl win, followed by a 6-6ish type season is an excellent job in Lexington.


10. Bobby Johnson - 0 SEC Titles in 5 SEC seasons
Johnson is consistently the most overrated coach in the SEC. Johnson-lovers (zing!) always talk about the academic standards, the terrible history, yadda yadda yadda. Well, guess what? He is no better than his predecessors. Bobby Johnson has led Vanderbilt to a 15-43 record in his 5 seasons. Former Vandy coach Woody Widenhofer led Vandy to a 15-40 record from 1997-2001, the 5 seasons prior to Johnson. Want more? From 1992-1996, the era before Widenhofer, Vanderbilt went 18-37! "Oh, but Johnson is doing more with less." I call shenanigans! SHENANIGANS! He's done LESS WITH MORE. He had a top 15 draft pick in Jay Cutler and still couldn't muster a record better than those who came before him. Consider the myth busted.


11. Ed Orgeron - 0 SEC Titles in 2 SEC seasons
He's been called the "Poor Man's Ron Zook" by some, and the Angry Cajun by others. I'll admit, I love Coach O. I love his enthusiasm, I love his recruiting prowess, and I love his Hummer TV ad. His recruiting classes have ranked 30th, 16th, and 26th, which is nothing short of a miracle in Oxford. However, he needs to win some games, and he knows it. 2007 will be integral to his tenure at Ole Miss. He's only beaten 4 Division 1 schools, but in 2006, he had some moral victories, barely losing to Auburn and Georgia. Ole Miss will need to turn those close losses into wins, and with a boatload of returning players, they have the opportunity to move up.


12. Sylvester Croom - 0 SEC Titles in 3 SEC seasons
Sometimes a nice guy gets put into an impossible, horrible situation. That's Croom's life right now. He's won 3 games every season at Mississippi State, with a nice win over Florida in 2004. His teams just aren't staying very close to the upper tier teams. You'll find a 3 point loss every year on the schedule, but they can't seem to get past 3 wins. Croom went 2-6 in the SEC in 2004, 1-7 in 2005, and 1-7 in 2006. He loses a ton off a good defense, too, so don't expect anything more than 3 wins in 2007.


There - SEC coach rankings made easy. Feedback is appreciated, even from you, Tom Dienhart.

Ranking SEC Coaches Isn't Hard

On Tuesday, a column (if you can really call it that) at The Sporting News website created a controversy amongst message boarders, and soon, bloggers. Tom Dienhart, a so-called "expert," made this list. Honestly, I'm not really sure where to begin, as it's the single most inaccurate ranking of SEC coaches I've ever seen (and there have been a lot). Is it really that hard to create an accurate, understandable list? Is it really that hard to not look like an idiot after creating such a list? Dienhart was either stoned or is completely devoid of college football knowledge.

A list like this does have some room for discussion, as the acheivements of a lot of these coaches are similiar. What do you need to take into consideration when creating such a list? You need to look at wins/losses, conference titles, national titles (as a bonus, if you will), recruiting, hurdles, longevity, and when two coaches are close in these areas, you look at their head to head record. It really isn't that hard to mess up. The entire body of work needs to be discussed, with some weight on recent achievement. So, here is my list, which I can promise you is more accurate and more agreeable than Dienhart's list:


1. Steve Spurrier - 6 SEC Titles, 1 National Title in 14 SEC seasons
Spurrier has more SEC titles than Urban Meyer, Mark Richt, and Phil Fulmer combined. The lone argument one can make is that Spurrier hasn't had an undefeated season. Guess what? Of the coaches in the SEC right now, only Phil Fulmer and Tommy Tuberville have one. Spurrier brought Florida to where it is now, and Urban Meyer wouldn't have his national title without the foundation Spurrier laid 10 years ago. Spurrier is Florida football, and all those who follow can thank him for the opportunity.


2. Nick Saban - 2 SEC Titles, 1 National Title in 5 SEC seasons
The Liar is a great coach. Imagine if he stayed put in Baton Rouge after the 2004 season - another SEC Title and quite possibly a 2006 National Title run. However, that's hypothetical. The Liar transformed a struggling program into a national power that someone like Les Miles can keep strong. Remember, The Liar took over a 3-8 LSU team in 2000 and won the SEC in 2001. His legend will continue to grow as he takes Alabama to the SEC West crown this season.


3. Urban Meyer - 1 SEC Title, 1 National Title in 2 SEC seasons
Meyer could be #3 or #4, depending on how you weight different parts of the equation. He has less SEC Titles than Richt, but that National Title is what pushes him ahead. Meyer hasn't lost in Gainesville since arriving on campus, but you have to remember a couple things: 1. These weren't his players, and 2. This wasn't his system. Ron Zook left an incredibly stocked cupboard for Meyer to take advantage of. I'm still uncertain if the full-blown spread option will work in the SEC, thus, we need to experience 100% Urbanball before we can move him up. Florida will finish 2nd or 3rd in the SEC East next season, so wait until 2008 before you move him up or down.


4. Mark Richt - 2 SEC Titles in 6 SEC seasons
Richt is another coach on the list who could I shuffle around. 3rd, 4th, or 5th is a reasonable range for him. The 2 SEC Titles put him right there with Saban and Fulmer, and he restored a stagnant Georgia program. Some Dawg fans have mentioned his game management as a weakness, especially in 2006. However, he had a QB shuffle, nay, a QB hoedown all year long, so again, 2008 will speak volumes on his abilities. Could Fulmer be here? Absolutely, except Richt has won 4 of 6 over CPF.


5. Phil Fulmer - 2 SEC Titles, 1 National Title in 14 SEC seasons
Fulmer is the most widely ranked coach. Dienhart had Fulmer at #8, which is ludicrous, and some UT fans have him as #1, which is also ridiculous. Fulmer is easily no worse than 5th in the SEC, and no better than 3rd. He has a combined record of 7-16 against the 4 coaches above him, and hasn't won anything tangible since 1998. A lot of writers put a whole hell of a lot of weight into the last 4-5 seasons, thus Fulmer slides. When you rank the coaches, though, the entire body of work in the SEC does matter, so you can't forget those titles. If Fulmer and Co. somehow manage to win the SEC in 2007, you can guarantee that the sportswriters catapult him into the top 3.


6. Tommy Tuberville - 1 SEC Title in 12 SEC seasons
Ears is consistently the most overrated coach in the conference. His lone SEC Title was in one of the worst SEC seasons in memory. His Tigers are 21-3 in the last 3 SEC seasons, but they were 23-17 with him from 1999-2003. Fans and writers alike act as if Ears has multiple SEC crowns, but in reality he has 1 lousy trophy to hang his hat on. 2007 won't help his cause, either.

Either Friday or Saturday, I will post the bottom six of this list, and also, I will bust the myth that Bobby Johnson is somehow a good coach.

APP Breakdown: The SEC

I have finished the SEC analysis for Adjusted Performance Percentage. Keep in mind that a score of 100 means 100%, or that team performed on par with what their opponents allowed. Anything higher means they excelled, but anything lower means they underperformed. We'll start with Total Offense Adjusted Performance Percentage:

1. LSU 116.1
2. Kentucky 113.9
3. Arkansas 111.1
4. Florida 104.0
5. Alabama 103.7
6. Vanderbilt 102.9
7. South Carolina 100.7
8. Georgia 97.9
9. Tennessee 97.5
10. Auburn 91.0
11. Mississippi State 83.8
12. Mississippi 76.1

I think the two biggest surprises we see here are that Alabama was 5th in the conference on offense, while Tennessee was a dismal 9th! A lot of fans point to David Cutcliffe's return as the reason Tennessee went from 5-6 to 9-3, but during SEC play, Tennessee didn't play as well as we all thought.

Best Rush Offense (Best ROAPP):

Not surprising - Arkansas not only racked up a lot of yards on the ground, but scored a 164.9 for their ROAPP. Wow! Was it due to Darren McFadden and Felix Jones, or the 3 monster offensive linemen who just graduated? We'll find out in 6 months.

Worst Rush Offense (Worst ROAPP):

Again, no surprise here. Tennessee's terrible run blocking and inconsistent tailback play created a 64.5 ROAPP, meaning Tennessee performed 35.5% below what their opponents were allowing. Awful.

Best Pass Offense (Best POAPP):

Did you see this coming? Surely you had to, as they passed for 2,178 yards in the SEC, but a mere 178 more yards than LSU. What am I getting at? Kentucky scored a 133.7 in POAPP, while LSU and Tennessee scored 118.2 and 118.3, respectively. That's a 15.5% difference! Kentucky's pass offense wasn't just better than everybody else in the SEC, it was miles ahead! Oh, and they return every important skill position player on offense. Go ahead, say they won't make a bowl again.

Worst Pass Offense (Worst POAPP):

The arrival and play of Yaw Yaw Yaw Brent Schaeffaw (Brent Schaeffer for those who don't know Orgeron-ese) was nothing short of a nightmare. Let me put it this way, Tennessee fans: the Rebels' pass offense was WORSE than Tennessee rush offense, if you can believe it. A wretched 63.5POAPP is more than 12% worse than the Razorbacks' score. Ouch.

Next, I did the same analysis for the defenses in the SEC. There are a few changes when you compare it yards allowed. Here is Total Defense Adjusted Performance Percentage:

1. LSU 121.3
2. Florida 112.1
3. Georgia 109.6
4. Alabama 106.1
5. Auburn 104.7
6. Arkansas 103.0
7. Mississippi State 102.7
8. Tennessee 102.4
9. South Carolina 98.9
10. Mississippi 94.9
11. Vanderbilt 90.0
12. Kentucky 72.9

What stands out? Alabama at #4 is the biggest surprise. Tennessee at #8 is actually better than I expected. Not in terms of SEC rank, but in terms ofTDAPP score. They actually performed 2.4% better on defense than what their opponents' offenses were used to. The 4 teams to be in the bottom of bothTOAPP and TDAPP are Ole Miss, Mississippi State, South Carolina, and Tennessee.

Best Rush Defense (Best RDAPP):

The Gators had 4 or 5 NFL draft picks on the defensive line in 2006, with 3 future picks at linebacker behind them. Only four teams had better than a 100 score inRDAPP: Florida, LSU, Mississippi State, and Alabama. Of those 4, the first 3 had amazing RDAPP scores - yes, Miss State was amazing in rush defense (134.9).

Worst Rush Defense (Worst RDAPP):

Kentucky couldn't stop anyone who wanted to rush the ball last season. Their RDAPP was 72.1, which means that they not only didn't stuff the run well, but they also played teams with very good running offenses. They'll need to get tougher in the trenches to have a chance in the SEC East.

Best Pass Defense (Best PDAPP):

The Tigers had studs all across the line last season, the year AFTER they lost 3 starters to the NFL draft. Their passing opponents were all over the board in terms ofPOAPP, so it just goes to show that the Tigers played extremely well when teams had to pass.

Worst Pass Defense (Worst PDAPP):

Deja vu? Kentucky's pass defense was a smidgen better than their rush defense, but still horrid. A 73.4 PDAPP is 15% worse than their closest competition for absolutely blowing coverage. Their entire defense was a joke, and without any improvement, they'll finish 6-6 next season. If you gave Kentucky a new defense, say just Ole Miss (94.9TDAPP), Kentucky would have fought Florida for the SEC East Division Title. I'm not joking.

Lastly, I wanted to see who the best overall team in the SEC was, statistically. I added each team's TOAPP with their TDAPP to create Complete Adjusted Performance Percentage:

1. LSU 118.7
2. Florida 108.1
3. Arkansas 107.1
4. Alabama 104.9
5. Georgia 103.8
6. Tennessee 100.0
7. South Carolina 99.8
8. Auburn 97.9
9. Vanderbilt 96.5
10. Kentucky 93.4
11. Mississippi State 93.3
12. Mississippi 85.0

Again, how do we use this for preseason predictions? Look at Alabama - 4th best team in the SEC, but they went 6-6. Expect a big jump in wins, especially when you consider their -2 CGVR. Couple that with new head coach Nick Saban and a boatload of returning talent and you've got a potential surprise SEC West Champion. Georgia is another team I expect to win more games next year. They lose a back-up running back to the draft and a few, key defensive players, but the core of both sides of the ball will be back and stacked. These statistics imply that Kentucky should take a step back next season, but they lose little to the draft, so I'm a little confused on their progress right now.

In the end, these stats don't win games, but they can absolutely give us ideas into who we can expect to show up in 2007. As for Tennessee, I expect the same old, same old.